Alora Kutzler 11 “New beginnings”

Recently I made the decision to move in with Dad, his wife, and my half brother. This move was a huge decision when it came to my life. It was a big change and a really messy and hard thing to do, given some circumstances that presented themselves. Especially the reason why I had to move in the first place. 

I hadn't really seen my dad in awhile so making the decision to move in with him gave me a sort of anxiety. But it was the best decision for me, and As I have learned it was the best decision I think I have ever made. My world did a complete 180, but for the better. 

Every night when we have dinner we sit down and eat while playing a board game, for example go fish or Sorry. We have movie nights every Friday night, last Friday we watched King Kong and had pizza. I have never been one to enjoy quality family time, I wasn’t that close with my mother but with my Dad and step mom, it’s easy .. it’s enjoyable. I actually look forward to coming home and just sitting on the couch and talking to them for hours and watching Master Chef. 

With that said, I have taken a look back at myself a year ago vs me now, and I love the person I am now. I am happier, brighter, and love life a lot more. Being able to get out of a toxic and terrible situation changed my mindset, my attitude, and my outlook on life. I will forever be grateful for that. 

I have a tattoo that says, “With pain comes Strength” .. it is something I live by day to day.. and the situation I have just gone through and continue to go through has taught me just that. 

Muskan Week 11 - Sleep

As I write this post, all I can think about is sleep. Both February and March have been tremendously busy months for me. As of now, in the quarter, I am getting great grades, doing well at work, setting aside time to do costuming tasks for theatre, studying for my upcoming SATs, packing, and overall communicating well with everyone in my life. All of this running around has caused issues for me, though. Lately, I have only been sleeping for an average of about 4 or 5 hours per night. Tonight will be one of those nights. School itself tires me, but going to work shortly after and doing my homework only after coming home late on most nights has brought my body to the point where sleep is all it wants. As I type right now, my eyes want to close and fall into the lovely, blissful trance known as sleep.

Another negative result of my new schedule is that I have not been eating a healthy, balanced diet. My new diet caused me to take a day off from school last week due to low blood pressure, which was from the lack of nutrients in my system, causing me to be weak and faint. 

These outcomes, and many others, are what make me wonder if all of this is worth it. Are my grades worth losing the sleep that I have lost? Is being successful at the moment in all of my responsibilities worth putting my health in a position of weakness? Even though these questions nag away in the back of my mind, the biggest question, and the one ringing loudest in my head, is, “What would happen if I dropped everything, all of my responsibilities, right now and just slept? How big of a difference would it make?” 

Is anyone dealing with a similar experience right now? Is it taking a toll on you as well? How has it affected your life?

Week 11 - Doubt, a Look Into the Expected Unexpected

When we hear the word doubt, it makes us think of the things that we thought were never possible. There are many things that we have doubts about, but the doubts that we have can teach us many things. For example, when I procrastinate at times, I would always doubt that I would be able to get my work done. If it was studying for tests, I would sometimes doubt my ability to get a good grade because of the amount of work that I put in. After doing this for a while, I noticed that my doubts were always negative, and they almost never predicted the outcome of something. After seeing this, I realized that it’s important to hold back from having doubts as they can only restrict your thoughts. The fewer doubts we allow ourselves to have, the less we will be hesitant to do.

Although I referenced school work in the beginning, doubts apply to much more than that. Whether it can be doubts about the goals you have or achievements that you want to earn, it’s better to ignore them in order to succeed and complete said goals and achievements. Constantly thinking about doubts in your mind can only inhibit what you are trying to do, and they cause lots of regrets when looking back on things in hindsight. On top of this, learning from them can be very useful as they allow us to prevent them from happening in the future, and if the things that we doubt don’t come true, it will prevent us from having doubts in the first place.

Gabe 11: The End of Math

I’m in AP Calc, and don’t be under any illusions; it’s hard. We are doing all these complex math topics like differentiation and integration that I didn’t know existed before the beginning of the schoolyear. This got me thinking. If I’m now at a point where I’m learning about math topics so advanced that they accomplish things I didn’t realize were possible a few months ago, then I must be close to reaching the end of math, right?

So what do I mean by the end of math? Allow me to walk you through my thought process for a bit. Math is just a bunch of patterns that make numbers do useful things. Now if we really think about it, there aren’t infinity useful things to be done. We can eventually reach a point where there is a way to do every single useful thing. Which means that there must be a finite number of patterns. Therefore, there must be some point where there’s no more math to learn. A point where you can say, “That’s it. I’ve learned all the math.”

I immediately latched on to this idea as soon as I thought of it. I like the thought that something as confusing as calculus has an endpoint. That I’m at least working towards an end goal that is achieveable. So of course I looked into it.

As it turns out, it isn’t as simple as I thought. There is a point where there’s no more math to learn, but it’s not because we’ve run out of things to do with it. It’s because we haven’t figured out the rest of it yet. Instead of reaching a point where you can say, “That’s all the math,” you end up reaching a point where you have to say, “That’s all the math we know about so far.”

This was very disappointing to say the least. Not only because there is no definitive endpoint, but also because it’s much further away from where I am than I had hoped (about 4 college courses away). So, I don’t think I want to learn all the math. I’ll be happy with enough to get by in my day to day life without being confused. Even still, there’s always the possibilty that maybe one day we can as a society figure out all of math, and then I can rest easy knowing that there it does at least end at some point. What do you think?

Gianna 11: So You Had a Bad Day

     Today has not been my finest of days. While I was stuck only looking at the negative parts of today, I remembered a quote.

                                      “Even your worst days only have 24 hours.”

     This quote has stuck with me for at least over a year now. At the beginning of 2019, I was determined to become a more positive person. No matter how my life was changing or not going smoothly, I started to make a conscious effort to view things in a positive light as often as I could.

     However, even the most positive people in the world are not exempt from bad days. Those with lives we wish we could live are not exempt from bad days. No matter who you are, where you live, or how you live, we all experience bad days.

     The best part about bad days, however, is that they only last 24 hours each. Now, this isn't to say that a bad day never carries into other days. This happens quite often. While the same issues of one bad day may carry over into the next day, I like to think that a new day allows for a clean slate to face these problems.

     I find it reassuring to know that I’ll have another chance at a good day tomorrow. When faced with certain unchangeable circumstances, sometimes the only thing we have the power to do is change how we react to it. Every day, in my eyes, is a new chance to address these circumstances or struggles in a new way.

     Our time here is limited. Tomorrow I want to wake up and approach my day with a new attitude. No matter how dramatic or cheesy it may sound, I can never know if I'll have another 24 hours to make it right. Every bad day ends at some point, and another shot at a “good day” happens every 24 hours. It’s definitely not always easy to keep this in mind, but I’ve found that even when I have a hard time believing it, it helps me get through those bad days a little bit better.

     Do you agree that even your worst days only have 24 hours, or do you not buy that thinking?

Alicia Zhang 11: Crying

   I cry very easily. Though I typically maintain a stoic face during the day, the truth is that I'm more sensitive than I'd like to be, and seemingly minor incidents for others become a very big deal to me. When I fail, I obsess over what I did wrong and find it hard to move on. It's a broken record playing out in my head, but I can't ignore the off-key music and I end up faltering instead of picking myself up. It's not like there was anyone else around me with the same problem either; only I cried over something as meaningless as a missed bus in middle school. The root cause might just be an extraordinarily low sense of self-esteem, but if that was the case, wouldn't I be much more distraught in the face of personal issues rather than petty matters? I don't know the answer to why I'm so unable to hold my tears in when I need to, and for much of my life, I've hated myself for this seeming weakness of mine.

    I was in 6th grade, and I'd missed the school bus back home by a hair. Walking back inside school, I felt like the worst scum in the world. Negative thoughts circled around in my head, and I ended up secluding myself in the bathroom as I felt myself lose my emotional control. What upset me the most wasn't my missing the bus, but rather that I'd cried in the first place. What would my mom think of me when I came back home with puffy, reddened eyes? A teacher came by at this moment of reflection, and they questioned me for as to why I was crying. I don't remember much of their words of comfort, but I do remember that they told me that it wasn't wrong to cry. That was the first time I'd ever been told such a thing, and these words directly contradicted my mother's teachings. I told the teacher that crying was a sign of weakness, and people would assume me a pathetic lout hardly worth anyone's time. Even more than that, my mother would hate me for this, or give me her classic expression of silent disappointment when I returned home. To this, the teacher had no clear answer; real life isn't a feel-good movie, and they certainly weren't a counselor.

   When I came back home, my prediction was correct. My mother simply looked disappointedly at me, and that was that. The strong devour the weak, and I was not one of the strong when I cried over something so pathetic. Still, I kept coming back to that teacher's words. If I can't push my emotions away, I might as well accept them. So what if others think less of me for crying? It's not like I'm much of a social butterfly in the first place. I'd much rather let loose with all my stresses and hurts by crying rather than keep them pent up inside and suffocate myself. I suppose, with time, I've come to accept that while crying isn't optimal and often feels like time wasted, it is a part of who I am. There's a stigma that comes with crying that isn't entirely deserved. Emotions can't stay locked up forever without consequences, and crying lets those emotions out. It's okay to cry, regardless of your gender or identity. How do you feel about crying, and do you think it's a sign of weakness or not?

Nathan Schmidt 11: Spring

Spring

Nathan Schmidt

I am aware that, thanks to Punxsutawney Phil, spring started a few weeks ago.  It really hit me yesterday, though.  I was outside helping unloading stuff from my dad's car when I realized that it really wasn't so cold anymore.  The grass is not yet a vibrant green.  There was still a cold wind that would bring mild discomfort from time to time.  From a distance, the trees still appear to be hibernating.  In the middle of the driveway, though, a ladybug was walking slowly towards the grass.  The sun was shining brightly, bringing warmth between the bursts of wind, and though they might look dead from a distance, the leaves on the trees are starting to grow.

I approached a tree in my yard and looked at the long, thin branches.  I could see the light green leaves just starting to bud out.  They still have a ways to go, sure, but they will get there soon.  A feeling suddenly rushed over me.  The feeling that spring weather is on its way.

This was a pretty terrible winter.  There is no secret about that.  We had maybe five inches of snow total spread out through the course of three months.  We did not have a single snow day, two-hour delay, or early dismissal.  Some people despise the snow, but in my opinion, a cold, snowy winter is much better than a cold winter with no snow at all.  Perhaps this is why I was so excited for the spring weather.  I usually enjoy winter, but this year's winter has made me long for spring like never before.  I am ready for hot days, pool parties, beaches, and late-night activities with friends.  I know that these things are usually associated with summer, but the budding leaves, the ladybug, and the hot sun were all signs to me that those days are well on their way.

For me, it is the little things that have a big impact on me.  A ladybug is just a ladybug.  Budding leaves are just budding leaves.  The sun is certainly not going anywhere anytime soon.  Still, though, they made me feel happy.  They made everything feel peaceful.  All the stresses in my life, even if just for a few moments, seemed to fly away.  I pulled up a chair on my porch and sat there as I did my homework.  Once I finished my homework, I sat there a little while longer.  I sat there looking at the blue sky and listening to the song of the birds.

Are any of you excited for spring?  What is your favorite part about warmer weather?  What seemingly small things make you feel happy?

Katie Madson Week 11: Influence

I have always been a family person. Family is one of the most important things in life, and I was taught that at a very young age. I admire everyone in my family, but most importantly, my Poppop. Pete Manzo is a seventy-four-year-old grandfather, father, friend, and leader. His mother died when he was very young from cancer. His older sister raised him as her own, as she was twenty years older. He lived and worked in New York City at Guardian Insurance where he met my grandmother, Helen. They had four kids together and adopted two. He dedicates his time to helping others and his faith.

My Poppop has been a hero of mine since I was a little girl. I developed my love for many things through him. I fell in love with the beach walking with him along the coast of Cape May. He introduced me to Broadway and Music, both things that hold a precedent in my life. He taught me how to live through my faith and help others whenever possible. Most importantly, he showed me what I want my future to look like.

I want to be able to have a job in New York City but still raise a family. I plan to join a church and devote time to helping those in my community through it. My Poppop has many friends of all kinds. He seems to know everyone everywhere we go, and on a personal level. Who doesn’t want relationships like that?

The moment I realized what a good man he was, I was thirteen. I was spending the summer with him in Cape May, New Jersey. There was this elderly man he took care of, Benny his name was. He started just watering his plants outside his house, my Poppop loves gardening. Throughout his years helping him, he became Benny’s best friend. He would stop by every day to check in on how he was doing. He would bring Benny to church on Sundays. He started as a stranger who needed his plants to be watered and became a good friend of my Poppop. Benny died a year later, but my Poppop was there with him until the end.

My Poppop has shown me what kind of person I should aim to be. He is someone who likes to have fun, works hard, cares for others, has a strong faith and loves his family dearly. What else could a person aim to be?

Who is the most influential person in your life?

Caleb 11: Job Shadow

Leading up to the infamous job shadow that had been talked about all of the junior year, I was nervous to find a job to shadow. Finally, with two weeks to find a job to shadow I did the one thing that I could do- ask my mom. Luckily, my mom, who works in the marketing department at St. Lukes, found an opportunity for me from her boss. Her boss is the director of marketing at St. Lukes and also serves as the producer for a 69 News segment called Talk with your Doctor.
I was amazed to see behind the scenes of this local news channel. There, I saw the studio room, the editing process, the scriptwriting process. It was absolutely amazing.
The people there were mainly doctors because of the segment topic, but nonetheless, I learned a lot about the news process. I was genuinely surprised about how small the total operation was. There were only about fifteen people total in the facility that I could see, but the process seemed to move quite smoothly.

It was interesting to learn how popular this segment was for the news show; this particular segment of 69 News actually was beating most other news programs that aired at the same time in our area. That included programs such as the Nightly News and the Evening News, which both are nationally televised programs.
But above all, what I appreciated the most about the experience was the respect and kindness that everyone showed to me during my entire time there, for every single person there was open to answering any question that I may have, and they all went out of their way to make sure that I was seeing the entirety of the television broadcasting process.

Where did you guys all decide to job shadow?

MaryJo 11: Our Power

In the midst of our primary elections, I have been trying to educate myself more about politics and the way our country functions, especially since I will be able to vote in the general election this year. I am really excited about finally having an influence on who is responsible with making important decisions for the country; I have always had very strong political opinions and was forced to only sit back and depend on others to decide the future for me. Although I am very set on where I stand politically, I still think it’s important to know other things like how laws are determined and how the government is set up, so I am really excited to take Gov next year. Educating myself about the way the country I live in works is very important to me since it is what shapes the future of those around me and myself.

Most people have a good idea about their own beliefs, but I know that there are some that try to stay away from politics to maybe avoid conflict or just as a result of general indifference. My aunt is exactly this way, and she herself has admitted that she can’t remember the last time she voted in an election. Personally, I don’t understand how you would choose to be this way. If you are given the chance to influence who has authority in a country of millions of people whose quality of life depends on the decision, why wouldn’t you take it? So many people don’t vote because they feel that they won’t make a difference, but that mindset, collected by so many people, is what creates a dangerous silence where we allow others to speak for us. Speaking our voice is one of the greatest gifts we have as humans, and letting it go unheard is one of the biggest tragedies we can allow.

Even if a certain candidate is elected as opposed to another one does not alter our everyday lifestyles, it can become a matter of life or death for many in our country. If we are in a place where we are financially stable, healthy, and safe, it should become our responsibility to consider the lives of those who don’t have the same luxury and depend on others as well as themselves to choose a future that allows them a better life. Above all, people should recognize that we share this country with millions of other lives that aren’t our own. Once our cries go unsaid, we cannot move forward.

Do you agree that everybody should make an effort to vote? Why or why not?

Megan - Week 11 - What Are the Odds?

The other day, I was having a conversation with a friend about whether or not fate exists. One of us insisted that whatever is meant to happen will happen, and there’s nothing that we can do to stop it; everything has a greater purpose in the end. The other couldn’t disagree more, believing that we’re in control, and as a result, things just happen sometimes without an underlying reason.

This conversation really got me thinking…

The Earth is 196.9 million square miles, and evidence shows that it’s over 4.5 billion years old. 107 billion people have lived, and 100 billion of those people are now dead.

When you pause to think about all that has happened to lead us to this exact place, it’s crazy.

Your ancestors had to meet at the right place and at the right moment and then have a child at precisely the right time. That child had to make millions of decisions to lead him or her to exactly the right place at the right time to meet another one of your ancestors. This process had to happen exactly the way that it did and continue to happen for 50,000 years (thousands of generations) just for you to come to be. That’s a lot of “rights” and a lot of “exactlies.”

The odds of that happening are so so small; they are so small that no computer can comprehend and neither can the human brain, meaning we literally can’t understand how crazy our existence is.

And that’s not even considering the odds of our ancestors existing. I mean, what are the odds of a single cell organism surviving on a spinning blue ball and evolving into a creature so complex? So complex that it can hypothesize the odds of its own existence….

Wild, right?

So, you’ve probably figured it out by now, but, yes, I am the one who believes in fate. I just don’t see any other way because the odds of all of this happening by chance are so unfathomably small.

When I think about all of my friends and family, I know that they were meant to be in my life; it’s so much more than sheer randomness. It’s fate. It’s “meant-to-be,” and I think that’s something worth believing in.

Do you believe in fate? Why or why not?

11 "Prom Planning" Hayden

Now that I have everything done I can finally sit back and relax, and wait for prom to arrive! With me being an extreme planner, it is very satisfying to have accomplished such a big and tedious task. I know for most people this isn’t a big deal, but for me it is because for big events like prom I like to have everything set and ready to go, so I don’t have to worry about much else. 

This weekend I made some serious progress with untangling the whole mess surrounding getting ready for prom. So far, I have found my dress, and set up all my appointments. Those appointments include hair, nails, and makeup. The only thing I have left to do is buy my heels to go with my dress, which shouldn’t be hard because I already have them picked out.

My mom helped a lot through the whole process, she is so organized. I couldn’t ask for a better mother to talk with and go shopping with. Without her I wouldn’t have gotten anything done as fast as I did, nor would I have been so calm and stress-free while doing it all.

Does anyone else feel this way about events or planning in general? If so, why?