Gabe 4: Stress Junkie

Last week was one of the most stressful I’ve ever had. Every night, I practiced for district band auditions for hours. It was the only thing I could think about. It was the focus of my existence for that one week.

I only have so much focus to go around. Everything else in my life became sort of secondary, and I could feel it. Worst of all was school. I could barely stay awake in class and I just didn’t have enough energy to actually learn anything. I could literally feel my grades falling behind as I made stupid mistakes on tests and let important snippets of information that I was supposed to remember fall through the cracks.

And now it’s over. I did the audition. My nerves got in the way from doing the best I could have, but I guess I can’t complain because I somehow still made the cut. But at least it’s over. Now I’m able to relax and focus on school and friends again. And yet, I’m bored out of my mind.

I guess I should probably enjoy these short moments of calm while they last, but I don’t seem to be able to. While I was spending all my time practicing for districts, I told myself that after it was over, I would work on my Eagle scout project and try to get a job. But now that it’s done, I don’t have the excuse to keep procrastinating, and yet I’m still not doing it. I know that the moment I add more things to my plate, something else is going to come up, like the winter concert or pit orchestra, and it’s going to be even harder to juggle them all than it was the last time.

These things are hanging ominously over my head, and it feels like they could fall and crush me at any moment. Despite this, sometimes it seems like I’m not truly living unless I have no free time. Ever hear of an adrenaline junkie? It’s someone who gets put into life threatening situations so routinely -- such as a pilot or daredevil -- that they become dependent on adrenaline as if it’s a drug. I feel like in some weird disconnected way, I’m sort of an adrenaline junkie. If I’m not doing something that requires all of my time and energy, like marching band or district auditions, then I’m bored.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to motivate myself to work on my Eagle or to get a job? Or at least how to stop worrying about it so much? Let me know.