MaryJo 3: District Band

It’s not an exaggeration to say that countless hours of my life so far were dedicated to music. The clarinet, and all the dedication and Squidward jokes that come along with it, has been a part of my life since I learned how to play “Hot Cross Buns” in fourth grade. Combining years of marching band practices, years of being in concert band with the addition of various other ensembles, pit orchestra practices, and the scarce but equally as valid time spent playing at home, it’s likely that I am pressing the keys of my clarinet at any given point of my life. It’s even stranger to think that if my mom never found the permission slip to play an instrument that I, hoping to never see it again, shoved away in my book bag in third grade, these hundreds of hours of my life would have been spent elsewhere. What began as a forced opportunity to get involved with an extracurricular activity slowly matured along with me into one of my biggest hobbies and talents.

As many things do, playing the clarinet changed drastically once entering high school. I became challenged with difficult pieces that I could never think of playing in middle school. I became more involved with music by joining many more groups since playing the clarinet was all that I knew I was comfortable doing. I kept following the same routine that I have been repeating since fourth grade of joining anything band related, making it the only path I know how to follow. When I decided to audition for district band, I realized I went too far.

At first, I was fairly excited to be auditioning. I have never auditioned for something so formal, and the music we got wasn’t like anything I have ever played before. At this point it was May, and I had nearly 6 months to get my music perfect and my scales memorized. As I am typing this, it is Monday, and I have until Saturday of this week to get my music perfect and my scales memorized. Out of all the deadlines I have procrastinated in my entire life, this is by far the worst one yet. It is honestly embarrassing how unprepared I am, yet every time I attempt to practice I get a sinking feeling and feel anxious just looking at everything I need to get perfect with just a few days to do it. I’m finding it impossible to get motivated, and getting into district band isn’t even something I want anymore. I am not looking to continue playing the clarinet after high school, but I still find stability when actively becoming involved with as many band related activities as possible. Maybe getting into districts would be the validation I need for the years I’ve dedicated to playing clarinet. It would make me feel as if all the work I have mindlessly put in was worth it, but what if I never get this? If I am unable to label myself as one of the best clarinet players in the district, were the past 7 years of my life pointless? Playing the clarinet has always been nothing more than a fun pastime, but suddenly I’m projecting my self-value on how well I am as a player, even when it won’t have any relevance to my future. As for my audition, I don’t want to quit so suddenly, but I don’t want to stress myself out for an entire week for something that isn’t even that important to me. The least I can do is try my best with the time I have.