“I know an hour seems like forever right now, but it’s going to go by so fast, sweetheart. How about you and I go play trains with your friends until mommy gets back?” I said with a hug.
I teach Sunday School to a class of 2-4-year-olds, and this conversation between James and me happens every week. I can’t blame him. At only two-years-old, mom means comfort, love, and safety, so when she leaves the room, it seems as if everything good leaves with her. Naturally, he gets a little upset. And he wails. Very loudly sometimes.
In the next year, James will outgrow his cries for mom. I’ve seen it happen time and time again in other little ones; it’s a natural part of growing up.
But what in James will change to let him leave behind his cries for mom?
You could reason that, as we grow up and have more experiences, we come to learn that the world is a safe place. Growing more comfortable, we are eventually ready to leave behind some of the dependability of mothers.
But I would disagree. I believe that, as we grow up and have more experiences, we come to realize that the world has more evil and darkness than we ever imagined. As time goes by, we see more smiles, hear more laughs, and feel more joy, but we also see more tears, pain, and sorrow as we come to realize that the world isn’t all good. We don’t believe in imaginary monsters under our beds anymore; instead, we become aware of the real-life monsters that live and breathe in this world.
So, as we grow to understand the darkness, why are we willing to let go of our dependency on mothers, our safe havens?
I believe that as we grow up, we begin to learn that adults aren’t invincible and that maybe adults don’t really have it all figured out either. They say “fake it till you make it,” but does anyone ever really “make it?” I think that maybe we’re all just faking it to different degrees because no one has all the answers. Not even grown-ups.
And if mommy isn’t invincible anymore, it's easier to let go of her for an hour. Bad things can happen when she’s there and bad things can happen when she leaves. There’s no magical shield that can protect us from all evil in this world; that was just a childhood fantasy.
So what do we do?
I don’t have a good answer. I don’t have it all figured out. But James and I play trains, and that seems like a good place to start.
Is it the responsibility of adults to protect children from everything, or is there a point where shielding kids from life’s realities becomes too much? What is this point, and why do you believe that?
I think it is the responcibility of a parent to raise their kids to be the best possible human beings in their future. To much protection inhibits children from acheiving their full potential as an adult, in my opinion.
ReplyDeleteIt's very difficult to assess the proper way to parent a child. However, in today's day and age, trends point to a growing distaste for "helicopter parents," or parents that are overly protective of their children. I don't believe that any parent argues there should be no protection whatsoever, rather the dispute seems to be about how much protection is too much. I think it's really difficult to say for sure how much protection is the "right" amount. Shielding kids from life's realities, as you put it, is important in certain situations. Would you show a four-year-old photos of a graphic car accident? No! Of course not. When it comes down to it, I think shielding a child from reality is situational. Drawing a concrete line between what is harmful and what is not is nearly impossible.
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