I apologize a lot. (And not just to chairs.) When I have to say no to an invite, I apologize. When someone bumps into me, I catch myself apologizing. If I cause the slightest inconvenience, (you guessed it) I apologize.
A friend pointed out to me last week that I say “sorry” an awful lot. I laughed it off, but for the last seven days, it’s really been bugging me. Why do I apologize so much? What does that say about me? Is apologizing constantly really such a bad thing?
When I have to miss a friend’s soccer game because I feel overwhelmed and exhausted and just need to take care of myself, I apologize profusely. But what am I truly apologizing for? Taking care of myself?
When a freshman walks right into me while staring down at her phone in the crowded hallway, and I apologize, what I am apologizing for? Existing?
And if I’m constantly apologizing for taking care of myself and simply existing, how can I live a purposeful life with confidence and direction?
I don’t think I can if I’m not willing to break the bad habit of habitual apologies.
It’s time I make a change. Going into the new year, I am going to quit apologizing for the things that don’t warrant apologies. Instead of expressing constant regret, I’ll express genuine gratitude.
Instead of “Sorry I won’t be able to make it,” I’ll say, “Thanks for the invite. I wish that I could come.”
Instead of “Sorry I’m late,” I’ll say, “Thanks for waiting for me.”
This New Year’s resolution won’t change the world, but it may change my mindset. And I don’t want to live in constant regret anymore.
I know that I’ll mess up a million times as I work to break this habit, but I’ll be patient with myself as I build a habit of gratitude. And when I do mess up, I’ll understand that it’s nothing to be sorry about.
I often catch myself doing the same thing, and I think you put this into words very accurately. I always notice how I apologize to people to avoid conflict or make sure I maintain respect, even if I'm not the one at fault. It's easier to put yourself to blame rather than other people. However, I agree that doing this doesn't promote self respect or confidence in life at all, and I really like how you are trying to redefine the same situations from regret to gratitude. Although it's small, becoming aware of your behavior and taking steps like these are very important to become more self aware and grow as people, and I now also feel encouraged to stop apologizing for things that I don't need to.
ReplyDeleteThoughtful! I love the way you broke it down into such discrete ideas, like mini paragraphs. It would be easier to read if there were spaces between them. (I know, it's a formatting thing. Just something to look out for next time.)
ReplyDeleteI as well find myself doing the same thing..I find myself apologizing for things that are not remotely my fault or that I cant control. But I agree with you,I like how you are aware of this and are trying to make it better by changing your attitude and the way you respond.
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