MaryJo 5: Soulmates

As I took some time to read my non-fiction book, Invisible Influence by Jonah Berger, I came across something he said that forced me to stop and think about it for myself for a while. His book aims to describe the unconscious factors that guide us to make certain decisions. Among these decisions is finding an ideal spouse. Everybody wants to find someone special that they can happily spend the rest of their life with. We find comfort in believing that somebody out there is perfectly crafted for us, knowing exactly what to say when we are upset and perfectly harmonizing with all of our own characteristics. The idea of having a soulmate is so appealing to us and seems strangely realistic, especially when countless married couples claim they can’t imagine themselves being with anybody else.

However, Berger points out many flaws with this mindset. Even when you cut out people that aren’t your ideal type, aren’t in an appropriate age range, or don’t share vital moral or political values, this still leaves billions of people around the world that could possibly be a successful match for you. Because people spend the majority of their lives either at work or school, they become the places most people end up meeting their spouse, but what are the chances that out of the billions of people you haven’t met yet, your soulmate luckily happens to work in the same department as you?

Realistically, married couples could be equally happy being married to somebody else. With the pressure young adults have to get married by a certain point of their life and longing for intimacy and commitment, it makes sense that most of us settle for anyone we are generally attracted to and see frequently. For some, beggars can’t be choosers, and whatever interest we receive is what we take. There are obviously mistakes in this process, and I think about my parents who were only together for a short time. My mom remarried, and although there are many times she argues with my step dad, they seem generally happy together. Even still, it’s hard to say she wouldn’t be happier married to someone else. Although it’s really impossible for all of us to find the one person that we would ideally be happiest with, many relationships are still healthy and provide both partners with lifelong intimacy and love.