With the arrival of an entire new decade, it’s not surprising that this New Year’s was such a big deal for many people. Everyone flooded social media with pictures summarizing their decade, throwbacks to our childhoods, and jokes about 2020 vision. Usually, the new year is never a big deal for me since I know time is a relative concept, and a different number on the calendar isn’t going to determine whether I will eat healthier or learn to stop procrastinating my assignments. I’ve learned self growth is its own process requiring its own time and doesn't follow any calendar or schedule other than its own.
Even as I disregard new year’s resolutions, I can’t disregard the fact that this decade will mark an entire new period of my life. I realized that this past decade extended from when I was 8 to throughout all my teenage years, and it’s what I will identify as my childhood moving forward in my life. Very soon, in nearly 6 months, I will be legally considered an adult and move forward into a new stage of my life. Obviously, turning 18 doesn’t mean I will suddenly need to start finding my own place to live, paying taxes, or taking on other confusing responsibilities I’m probably not aware of yet, but it will justify my ability to be independent and begin my journey to start a new life for myself. Thinking about this almost seems like a joke to me, but it’s a reality that I will be forced to accept quicker than I would probably like.
For most of my life, one of my biggest fears was change. Even the smallest changes in my life or routine made me feel uneasy and uncomfortable. This fear paralyzed me from taking risks for myself, meeting new people, making new relationships, or regaining old ones. I constantly have a habit of looking back at how my life used to be and feeling such nostalgia and attachment to those memories that I begin to feel sorry for who I am now. Doing this always made me feel as if I needed to go back to how my life was so I wouldn’t have to miss it anymore. Nostalgia and all of the sentiments that come with it always make me feel sad and yearn for something that’s impossible for me to have back. If this year influences me to do anything, it is to be able to fondly appreciate my past while still being able to appreciate the way my life is now and having excitement for what my future holds.
Even though I can’t live through the happiest moments in my life again, I have the ability to make new ones. I am still in a point of my life that holds more in front of me than there is behind me. All the mysteries my future holds, such as where I will graduate college, what career I will follow, and who I will marry remain to be found out and give me something to keep living for. I know none of these things, including a future, are promised, and every new day that I am able to wake up to is meant to be cherished. I once read someone say that the best part of life is figuring it out, and I am finally beginning to feel myself getting closer.
This is hard to beleive but at the begining of this decade, I was only in the second grade, and at the end of this decade, I will be 27. That means that by the end of this decade, Iĺl have graduated high school, graduated college, and hopefully have a real full-time job. Thats a lot of change coming in the next decade.
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